IceAndBlood

  There are two things in life that can stop you from taking your own life, even if it is a few minutes away. One is a sense of purpose – when that unfinished task holds you back. Another is the deep love for a person –when you don’t want to leave that person alone, or you are scared of losing that person forever. Victor Frankl wrote this years ago but it took me years of agony and a drive to Shimla and back to Chandigarh, to finally assimilate the truth in it. Without beating about the bush, let me venture straight into my story. … People go for a vacation to take a short break. This year however, when a bunch of my friends decided to set off for Shimla-Manali, I looked upon it as a golden opportunity. I was not in for any short break. Fuck that. I was all for an absolute break from life. I didn’t plan on returning. Once we arrived, I discovered that the mountains were not so suited for jump-off. They could hardly be called steep, and even if you did dive, you would poss...

 One day, I caught her off-guard. “What the heck do you think you’re doing? Plunging the nib of your pen into your wrists like that!” I cried. She looked at me as if I had popped out of the earth just yesterday, and continued to scratch her almond skin with the pen till blood spouted. I looked on with horror, too stupefied to do anything. For a long time, I waited. I waited for her to open to me. I waited to win her trust. Then she told me the story behind her scars. A story of a dark childhood, a reign of terror and neglect, abusive love affairs and chronic depression. “Sometimes, you know, my eyes itch for blood.” She said, “Rich red of blood. I feel as if the incandescent beauty of this warm liquid flowing out of myself outshines my drab life. It renews my hope to live. The pain, the pangs of the cuts,” she panted as adrenaline rushed all through her, “they revive in me the will to live, when I don’t wish to live anymore.” That was my first encounter with them. The S...