IceAndBlood

  “… So don’t forget any of it. Remember it all and overcome it. If you don’t overcome it, you’ll always be the kid whose soul never grows.” – The Boy who Fed on Nightmares by Moon-Yung   Have you ever felt that you have lost chunks of memories or pieces of your life? Gaps in a sequence that doesn’t add up? As if your system has simply deleted those memories, wiped them off your brain. You remember the feelings, the sting of pain or rage or breaking grief… but not what exactly happened. Flashes of colours, one or two words, sensations of heat or numbing cold, choking dust, taste of salty water… but nothing else. If you want to recall them, your mind does tricks. She weaves those pieces together, stitches the gaps with imagination, intuition and emotions and makes you feel contented with the stitched-up memories. Obviously, the contentment doesn’t last long. It happens to me often - with the memories I want to forget. My head does the wiping off for me. That should work, sh...

A young lady called me up a couple of months ago. She didn’t know me but somehow, she had gotten the idea that I was a poor sad kid who has been quite depressed and needed a bit of sympathy. She introduced herself as someone who has been in the same shoes for quite a long time and guess what! The first thing she asked me was: “Are you sure you are not playing the victim card, or maybe, doing all this to gain attention?” Well, well. Now that’s a great start! In fact, a grand start! I felt a punch of laughter kicking at my tummy. I didn’t know how to answer her, or whether to answer at all.   Well, suppose someone confided in you that it was not going well for him/her. That he/she wanted to kill himself/herself and maybe even let’s suppose that he/she told you so, to gain attention. Suppose, someone did attempt suicide and however ridiculous it may be, did so to gain attention. Would you go and ask him/her, ‘Hey! Are you playing victim card?” Would you do that as someone ...

Let me begin with a story from my childhood. This was years ago, back when I was in class 4 or 5. I had been a quiet, shy and reserved child from my early years. I made few friends. It was the time when my parents finally decided to admit me into a pool car for travelling to and from school. The children tried to make me talk for the first few days but when that failed they started to laugh at me. “Don’t stare, idiot! Look out of the window!” or sometimes “Look at your feet. Yes. Stay like that.” They would command. Being meek and scared, I used to do as they told me, with teary eyes. One day, one of the elder children passed by me in the playground and as she did, she clapped me on my back and commented, “Abnormal child!” I stared at her as she disappeared in the distance. Years have passed, I have come to see and perceive life differently, I have taken hold of my life, I have made bunch of friends and that memory has reduced to nothing but a residue of ash. Yet, the sting of those wo...